My daughter wrote me an e-mail today that I wanted to share with you. It made me smile.
Thoughts Inspired by Floyd
It’s amazing the full circle moments that God brings us to in our spiritual journey. God starts us in one seemingly random spot and never in our wildest dreams do we imagine ending up right where we started, returning to the beginning for some divine reason to complete the circle.
When I was in middle school, my mom decided that she wanted to make a tradition out of serving others on Christmas and Thanksgiving before she served her family. So she would go to the Salvation Army to serve a feast to the hungry of our city before coming home to eat with my brother, dad, and myself.
The exact time is a little fuzzy; I’m not quite sure if it was during the orange and brown, the turkey and cranberry sauce of Thanksgiving or during the green and red, the lights and trees of Christmas that I first went with my mom to the Salvation Army. Whenever it was that I first went, I certainly had no idea the magnitude of influence that simple act of service would have in my life.
There are a plethora of available tasks when serving meals at the Salvation Army. Some prefer to be in the back cutting pies and warming rolls. Some prefer to be behind the counter making the overflowing plates. Some like to take the food to the guests. I personally loved being the desert girl, cart and all. Even at an early age it gave me great joy to serve people delicious cakes, pastries, pies, and cookies; to watch men, women, and especially children cap off their meals with some sweet treat. This job allowed me to remain on the floor for the vast majority of the time and strike up many a conversation.
Again the details are slightly blurred, but I believe I met Floyd early on in my serving career. He’s hard to miss. When I first saw him, the effects of the streets were glaring: tattered clothes and wild matted hair gathered together atop his head by a sleeve, to name a few. His unique appearance didn’t phase me, it was his spirit that drew me to him. A wild man by sight, he was quiet, gentle, reserved in spirit. I wanted to get to know him, so I sat down and struck up a conversation. We talked for some time and then it was time for him to go. He got up, thanked me for the conversation, gathered his bags of belongings (as in all he called his own) and was gone. Little did I know that that conversation would be the beginning of a ten year friendship that continues to this day with Floyd.
As I returned to the Salvation Army each Thanksgiving and Christmas, it became a tradition to see Floyd. I would anticipate his arrival with great joy, always bringing him to biggest plate I could muster from the kitchen. I tried to spoil him, make him feel special.
One holiday season I remember sitting with Floyd in the dining room and teaching him sign language. I took a sign language class my senior year of high school and became slightly obsessed with the language. So naturally I wanted to share it with Floyd. I went through the entire alphabet and ended with teaching him his name. As our time together came to an end, I signed “Bye F-l-o-y-d.” He returned the gesture with a simple wave and once again, with his life in his hands, he was gone until the next holiday season.
At some point in the evolution of our friendship, my mom and I decided that we should buy Floyd some clothes, which was an obvious need. We went to Goodwill and with great excitement picked out a cart full of clothes for him. Not knowing his exact location, we went searching for him and found him sleeping on the embankment of Samaritan Ministries. We gently woke him and told him we had gotten him some clothes. He walked over to our car and looked at the large pile of clothes. After sifting through the pile, he picked up a few pieces and was done. I wanted him to take more, but Floyd said that he couldn’t carry anything else. In that moment, my lack of sensitivity was glaring. I had seen him repeatedly carry his life in his bags in and out of the Salvation Army. I knew he had very limited room for anything else and here I was teasing him with a pile of clothes and no way to transport them. My heart broke for myself. Deep in my spirit a spark was set off the do more than tease the poor and oppressed with belongings they cannot carry. I dreamed of being a part of a ministry that could offer more than clothes and a meal. I knew Floyd needed way more than that to get off the streets and I envisioned a ministry that would provide such resources.
As I went to college and was away from Winston-Salem for about six years, I lost track of Floyd. I never forgot; I just lost track. During those years of higher learning God was taking me on an emotional and spiritual wild ride. He began to show me that my life was suffocated by Christian culture. I attended a Christian university, was heavily involved in a Southern Baptist church, and nannied for a Christian family. It became clear that I had lost sight of the Great Commission to GO. My reaction to this epiphany was to get a job at a restaurant (no Christian connections I might add) and sign up for a year of urban ministry in Chicago instead of pursuing seminary.
During my year in Chicago, the Lord refined me in some huge ways. He continued to open my eyes to the needs of the poor and oppressed and uncovered a heap of junk in my heart. When the year was done, I was determined to fight for justice for the poor, specifically in the area of urban education. I was equally determined to not go back to Winston-Salem, especially to work with Calvary (…and God laughs).
Long story short, an awesome opportunity opened up for me to come back to Winston-Salem and work with Jon Corts alongside Calvary in the area of urban ministry. I was dead set against it, but the Lord humbled me and told me very clearly that He used Calvary as a powerful too to bring me to where I was and that I should consider it a privilege to go back to Winston-Salem and work with them in urban ministry. As I continued to seek the Lord, I couldn’t ignore his calling back to Winston-Salem, the city where it all started.
Three months into my new life in Winston-Salem, I was downtown with my Bible Fellowship class and there on the street sitting on the side walk was a familiar face. As did a double take I realized it was FLOYD! FLOYD!!! F-L-O-Y-D! We talked for about 15 minutes, catching up on years lost. He ended up showing my friends and I around downtown and then he was gone. Just like in the days of the Salvation Army, the sight of watching Floyd walk away with his life in his hands rang in my heart.
As I began seeing him on a weekly basis- he goes downtown every Saturday to listen to the free music- I was pierced this past Saturday night as we were praying for each other that I see him consistently and I see he has blatant needs, and yet I have not offered once to clothe him or feed him. The words of Jesus in Matthew 25, speaking of eternity, were shouting, “Come, you who are blessed by my Father, take your inheritance, the kingdom of God prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”
After mentioning Floyd’s needs to my Bible Fellowship class, individuals generously gave so that some of Floyd’s basic needs could be met. What a joy it was to meet with Floyd and be able to tell him first and foremost that God had opened up a door for him to be able to stay at a residential rehabilitation ministry, but also to give him a $25 gift card to Lowes Food (it’s in the shopping center where he hangs out), a ten ride bus pass, a new watch, $20 in cash, and an assortment of new clothes. BREATH TAKING!
[ In relation to getting him clothes, when I went shopping for him this time I was incredibly mindful of the fact of his weight limitations in having to carry all his belongings. I strategically picked out several pieces that I thought he could best use, nothing less, nothing more. These items included two pairs of slacks, an undershirt, a short sleeved light weight shirt, a long sleeved shirt, and a vest with a number of pockets. With a smile of my face, I can tell you that Floyd took every piece of clothing that I offered him…YES! ]
Pray for Floyd. He has some weighty decisions ahead of him. Although he has an open door to a residential rehab ministry, he’s been on the streets for many many years. He’s established a large portion of his adult life as a homeless person. It will be a huge adjustment for Floyd to enter this ministry, but I see the desire in him. I see him weighing the options. I want the abundant life that God has promised to those who believe in Christ so badly for Floyd. I’m struggling personally with what that looks like.
Joel 2:25-26 has been the scripture that I claim for Floyd. Would you join me in praying God’s Word for Floyd? “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten…you will have plenty to eat, until you are FULL, and you will praise the name of the Lord you God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed.” Although this passage is written to Israel, I believe the Biblical concept applies to all: to Floyd, to myself, to each of you. So insert Floyd’s name, insert your own name.
As so in some ways, the circle is completed, but in other ways it’s only just begun…
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Sadness overwhelmed me. I'm feeling ashamed, as if I don't have a right to feel sad. I want something else. I want to feel happy, content, satisfied. Those feelings seem somewhat elusive. Sometimes I feel I've had enough. Other times I want to wander. There is an old hippy in me yearning to be free. Where is my spirit? Where will my spirit feel happy, forefilled, connected? Is it impossible here on earth? Or am I missing the boat? The rain is pouring outside. Do you think the darkness and the the rain affects our spirits? Is my spirit lost? How can I find it again? The sadness feels like a piece of sticky fly paper, I want to shake it off, but it doesn't come loose easily.
Are you lonely?
Do you want to be more social?
Can we create a community for grown ups?
Check out this article.
Communes for Grownups
Looking for the ideal place to retire? Create it yourself
By Ben Brown, Asheville, NC
November 2004
Email This Page To A Friend Print This Page
Five years ago, Arthur Okner retired early from his New York City marketing career and headed to Boulder, Colo., with its university town ambiance and mountain valley geography. But almost immediately, he began second-guessing himself.
"I was lonely," says Okner, now 62. "I didn't realize how social I was until I moved."
He discovered a solution in a "cohousing" development, a concept that has growing appeal. "I immediately fell in love with this idea," says Okner, who lives in one Boulder cohousing project and helped plan two others. "I found myself part of a community even before anything was built."
In cohousing, the residents themselves plan their communities and choose the appearance. They own their own units and divide duties for maintenance, gardening and other chores. And they rotate responsibilities for fixing meals that are shared two or three times a week in a community building.
It may be an idea whose time is at hand. With the largest pre-retirement generation in history approaching decisions about the rest of their lives, more people are asking, why wait for somebody else to create a community that feels right to us?
Twenty-two percent of the 500 respondents 50 to 65 to a poll conducted by MetLife Mature Market Institute and AARP last spring said they would be interested in "building a new home to share with friends that included private space and communal living areas."
"People are just jumping on this idea," says Sandra Timmermann, director of MetLife Mature Market Institute. "If you move into a group setting, you may not have lots in common. But if you form your own community, you can pick your friends and your interest areas. I think, as time goes on, this will be a preference for more people."
More than 5,000 people reside in nearly 80 completed cohousing communities in more than 30 states, according to the Cohousing Association of the United States, the movement's umbrella nonprofit organization. At least 100 more communities are in various stages of development. The sizes range from half a dozen units on a fraction of an acre in the city of Oakland, Calif., to 22 units on 260 rural acres in Hartland, Vt.
Most are intergenerational communities that are already an attractive option for people 50-plus, who make up approximately one-third of the residents in existing cohousing communities. They can be valued as surrogate grandparents and elder advisers. "They honor me here because of my age," says Rosetta Neff, 88, who moved with her daughter to Earthaven, a multigenerational community near Asheville, N.C. "I really didn't know what to expect, but it's better, in many ways, than I imagined."
The latest trend, though, is cohousing exclusive to people ages 55-plus. At least three such communities will open in the United States in the next two years. And in Denmark "20 of the last 25 cohousing projects have been for seniors," says Charles Durrett, the Berkeley, Calif., architect who helped import the concept from Denmark in the mid-1980s.
A cohousing community is more condo than commune, but with a twist. The relationships between buyers and developers are reversed. First comes the buy-in by would-be neighbors, then at least two years of building relationships, working out community rules and cooperatively designing the community they'll share.
Cohousing is not necessarily cheaper than conventional condos, especially if the community wants custom-design elements and a lavish community house. Land costs are a crucial factor, too. In rural Abingdon, Va., where a group of former nuns and their friends are building a 29-unit community known as ElderSpirit, they offered two-bedroom homes under 1,000 square feet for $114,000. But in Boulder, with its soaring housing market, Arthur Okner's 16-unit Silver Sage Village offers its smallest two-bedroom units at $353,000. (There will be discounts, however, for those who can meet asset and income qualifications for local affordable housing.)
Because of the attention to design, supporters say, there's likely to be long-term savings in cohousing through energy efficiency and cooperative living arrangements. Neighboring households may share a car, for instance.
The most popular arrangement may turn out to be a cohousing neighborhood in an urban center or adjoining a mixed-use development. That way, residents get a little quiet in the common spaces and a little time with peers without isolating themselves from a larger, more diverse community. ElderSpirit in Virginia, which is scheduled to open next year, is within walking distance of Abingdon's historic downtown. The Silver Sage community in Boulder, slated to open in 2006, is adjacent to a larger, just-completed cohousing development called Wild Sage. And both, in turn, are subsections of new mixed-use communities.
Demography alone—an aging population in both Europe and North America—is swelling the potential customer base for cohousing. But there's also the appeal of self-reliance. Given its requirement for homeowner participation, even before there are homes, "cohousing is housing for the ultraresponsible," designer Durrett says. That gives it cachet among those determined to take as much control as they can of the remaining years of their lives, to achieve independence without isolation, to build community on their own terms.
The first to embrace cohousing are often teachers, spiritual leaders, mental and physical health workers, artists, writers and others who see themselves as self-starters. They are the kind of people, says Durrett, "who want to grapple consciously with aging rather than allow themselves to be victims."
John Lightburn, an 83-year-old retired psychiatrist who lives with his wife in the Harmony Village cohousing community in Golden, Colo., says, "One of the defects of our modern society is its failure to encourage us to share with one another, to help and to be helped. I knew so many people who ended up in senior facilities all alone. Their children were all away. I always hoped I wouldn't end up in a place like that."
With the famously independent baby boomers in the retirement pipeline, that sentiment—and the market for do-it-yourself approaches—can only grow. So the cohousing pros are getting ready. Durrett is working on a manual for elder cohousing to supplement the 1988 handbook, Cohousing: A Contemporary Approach to Housing Ourselves, that he co-wrote with Kathryn McCamant. The ElderSpirit residents intend to use their community as a model to help others. And across the country, architects, builders and finance specialists with cohousing experience are offering their services. The Cohousing Association of the United States is planning two seminars in 2005 to showcase the expanding networks.
Cohousing is not for everybody. Prospective residents have to be prepared to talk about community plans for two years or more before buildings start going up. They have to be prepared to make decisions by group consensus rather than through top-down hierarchies and majority-rules votes. And if it's a community for people 50-plus, they should be prepared for frank discussions about aging and death—including practical matters, such as what to do when residents can no longer take care of themselves—which may be uncomfortable for those who want to think only of active living.
Still, says Okner, cohousing is "the answer to my need for community. I see people. I know I'm alive. I know I'm appreciated. I feel so lucky to have fallen into this in the last quadrant of my life."
Do you want to be more social?
Can we create a community for grown ups?
Check out this article.
Communes for Grownups
Looking for the ideal place to retire? Create it yourself
By Ben Brown, Asheville, NC
November 2004
Email This Page To A Friend Print This Page
Five years ago, Arthur Okner retired early from his New York City marketing career and headed to Boulder, Colo., with its university town ambiance and mountain valley geography. But almost immediately, he began second-guessing himself.
"I was lonely," says Okner, now 62. "I didn't realize how social I was until I moved."
He discovered a solution in a "cohousing" development, a concept that has growing appeal. "I immediately fell in love with this idea," says Okner, who lives in one Boulder cohousing project and helped plan two others. "I found myself part of a community even before anything was built."
In cohousing, the residents themselves plan their communities and choose the appearance. They own their own units and divide duties for maintenance, gardening and other chores. And they rotate responsibilities for fixing meals that are shared two or three times a week in a community building.
It may be an idea whose time is at hand. With the largest pre-retirement generation in history approaching decisions about the rest of their lives, more people are asking, why wait for somebody else to create a community that feels right to us?
Twenty-two percent of the 500 respondents 50 to 65 to a poll conducted by MetLife Mature Market Institute and AARP last spring said they would be interested in "building a new home to share with friends that included private space and communal living areas."
"People are just jumping on this idea," says Sandra Timmermann, director of MetLife Mature Market Institute. "If you move into a group setting, you may not have lots in common. But if you form your own community, you can pick your friends and your interest areas. I think, as time goes on, this will be a preference for more people."
More than 5,000 people reside in nearly 80 completed cohousing communities in more than 30 states, according to the Cohousing Association of the United States, the movement's umbrella nonprofit organization. At least 100 more communities are in various stages of development. The sizes range from half a dozen units on a fraction of an acre in the city of Oakland, Calif., to 22 units on 260 rural acres in Hartland, Vt.
Most are intergenerational communities that are already an attractive option for people 50-plus, who make up approximately one-third of the residents in existing cohousing communities. They can be valued as surrogate grandparents and elder advisers. "They honor me here because of my age," says Rosetta Neff, 88, who moved with her daughter to Earthaven, a multigenerational community near Asheville, N.C. "I really didn't know what to expect, but it's better, in many ways, than I imagined."
The latest trend, though, is cohousing exclusive to people ages 55-plus. At least three such communities will open in the United States in the next two years. And in Denmark "20 of the last 25 cohousing projects have been for seniors," says Charles Durrett, the Berkeley, Calif., architect who helped import the concept from Denmark in the mid-1980s.
A cohousing community is more condo than commune, but with a twist. The relationships between buyers and developers are reversed. First comes the buy-in by would-be neighbors, then at least two years of building relationships, working out community rules and cooperatively designing the community they'll share.
Cohousing is not necessarily cheaper than conventional condos, especially if the community wants custom-design elements and a lavish community house. Land costs are a crucial factor, too. In rural Abingdon, Va., where a group of former nuns and their friends are building a 29-unit community known as ElderSpirit, they offered two-bedroom homes under 1,000 square feet for $114,000. But in Boulder, with its soaring housing market, Arthur Okner's 16-unit Silver Sage Village offers its smallest two-bedroom units at $353,000. (There will be discounts, however, for those who can meet asset and income qualifications for local affordable housing.)
Because of the attention to design, supporters say, there's likely to be long-term savings in cohousing through energy efficiency and cooperative living arrangements. Neighboring households may share a car, for instance.
The most popular arrangement may turn out to be a cohousing neighborhood in an urban center or adjoining a mixed-use development. That way, residents get a little quiet in the common spaces and a little time with peers without isolating themselves from a larger, more diverse community. ElderSpirit in Virginia, which is scheduled to open next year, is within walking distance of Abingdon's historic downtown. The Silver Sage community in Boulder, slated to open in 2006, is adjacent to a larger, just-completed cohousing development called Wild Sage. And both, in turn, are subsections of new mixed-use communities.
Demography alone—an aging population in both Europe and North America—is swelling the potential customer base for cohousing. But there's also the appeal of self-reliance. Given its requirement for homeowner participation, even before there are homes, "cohousing is housing for the ultraresponsible," designer Durrett says. That gives it cachet among those determined to take as much control as they can of the remaining years of their lives, to achieve independence without isolation, to build community on their own terms.
The first to embrace cohousing are often teachers, spiritual leaders, mental and physical health workers, artists, writers and others who see themselves as self-starters. They are the kind of people, says Durrett, "who want to grapple consciously with aging rather than allow themselves to be victims."
John Lightburn, an 83-year-old retired psychiatrist who lives with his wife in the Harmony Village cohousing community in Golden, Colo., says, "One of the defects of our modern society is its failure to encourage us to share with one another, to help and to be helped. I knew so many people who ended up in senior facilities all alone. Their children were all away. I always hoped I wouldn't end up in a place like that."
With the famously independent baby boomers in the retirement pipeline, that sentiment—and the market for do-it-yourself approaches—can only grow. So the cohousing pros are getting ready. Durrett is working on a manual for elder cohousing to supplement the 1988 handbook, Cohousing: A Contemporary Approach to Housing Ourselves, that he co-wrote with Kathryn McCamant. The ElderSpirit residents intend to use their community as a model to help others. And across the country, architects, builders and finance specialists with cohousing experience are offering their services. The Cohousing Association of the United States is planning two seminars in 2005 to showcase the expanding networks.
Cohousing is not for everybody. Prospective residents have to be prepared to talk about community plans for two years or more before buildings start going up. They have to be prepared to make decisions by group consensus rather than through top-down hierarchies and majority-rules votes. And if it's a community for people 50-plus, they should be prepared for frank discussions about aging and death—including practical matters, such as what to do when residents can no longer take care of themselves—which may be uncomfortable for those who want to think only of active living.
Still, says Okner, cohousing is "the answer to my need for community. I see people. I know I'm alive. I know I'm appreciated. I feel so lucky to have fallen into this in the last quadrant of my life."
Have you ever heard someone speak in a very off hand tone. It is magnified when it is you or your own child. This morning I did some research in negative voice tones. I came across an article written by Sharon Melnick. She sheds some light on the matter. It is amazing how someone you care for, how their voice, not what they say, but the tone of their voice affects your mood and dispostion.
"You may very well be hear your own negative voice thousands of times every day too. For each person the nature of the voice is different: for some it's believing they "can't" (e.g., go out in business on their own), for some it's worry, for others it's guilt, for the rest it's self blame, etc. When I ask people about the tone of this voice, they say that it is critical, sarcastic, angry, frustrated, resigned, or anxious. In short, for many people, maybe even you, this is the soundtrack you are listening to at least a (good) portion of your day. The nature and tonality of this voice in large part determines the quality of your life. Your self talk is the basis for the relationship you make with yourself, the longest relationship you'll have. It forms the basis for the way you talk to your clients, your partner, and your children. It provides the words with which you coach yourself through the ups and downs of your everyday business stresses, and causes responses of poise or reactivity. It determines your choices to follow opportunities - or not. Your internal voice is broadcast by the way you carry yourself in your physical presence."
I also came across an article written for Customer Support by David Lee which was interesting.
"June 29, 2006
What Emotions and Perceptions Does YOUR Voice Tone Elicit?
The truism “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it…” is only partially true – what you say does matter. However, research on the human brain backs up a paraphrased version: HOW you say something CAN have a greater impact than just the words. Therefore, great communicators and customer service professionals pay close attention to how they say things.
Now, the brain research to emphasize why this is mission critical. Don’t worry, this will be a Reader’s Digest Condensed Version…
The same regions of the brain that process vocal intonations also play a major role in deciphering and creating emotions. People with brain damage to these regions are unable to identify the message communicated by vocal inflections. To them “Nice job!” spoken with sincerity means the same as “Nice job” spoken with sarcasm. They also speak in a monotonic, emotionless manner.
Because the same regions of the brain that process voice tone also process and create emotions, your voice tone is a direct link to the “emotion mixing board” in another person’s brain. Because of this, your voice tone has a huge impact on other people’s emotional state – for better or for worse.
That’s why it’s so important to discharge negative emotions prior to having a difficult conversation. If you don’t, you are likely to communicate your frustration, anger, or resentment through your voice tone. This in turn will trigger the emotion-processing regions of the listener’s brain, producing similar emotions in them.
OK… enough of the neuroscience. I bring this up because I want to make it clear how powerful and non-negotiable this phenomenon is. It’s hard-wired into our brains.
I also bring it up because I’m continually struck by how often I hear counterproductive voice tones used in the customer service field – especially on the phone. At the risk of stating the obvious, since telephone customer service is an auditory interaction, it’s even more important in this medium to get voice tone right. Since there is no visual information -- facial expressions or body language -- for the caller to use or react to, they base their whole impression on auditory information. Therefore what you say AND how you say takes on exaggerated importance.
With this in mind, are you conscious of what your voice is saying, especially when you are feeling stressed, tired, or frustrated? Even if you’re not, the other person listening is.
Let me give you two examples. One bad; one good.
Case One: I was very impressed with the place I bought my car. The person I dealt with (a co-owner) was the epitome of honest, helpful customer service. But, when it came time to have my car serviced, my experience was far different. His partner, who is in charge of the service end of the business, always sounded rushed, frustrated, and slightly annoyed that he had to be talking on the phone. From the moment he answered the phone, his voice tone communicated “I’ve got too much to do. You’re bothering me.” After a few experiences of this, I found myself reluctant to either call for an appointment or ask a simple question. So, I took my business elsewhere.
Case Two: This is a great example of someone from the “inside” of a company demonstrating a gracious, customer-friendly attitude. It is notable both because its an example of what to do and because it’s an exception to the rule. Except for companies with a strong service culture where all employees are onboard, I’ve often found that internal people who don’t typically work with the public often leave much to be desired in the interpersonal realm. In this situation, I got a message from a new client’s finance person requesting I fax over a form. This was her second call; she had originally called while I was away on a business trip, and I had forgotten to get back to her. Instead of adopting a scolding, stern first-grade-teacher-reprimanding-the-student tone of voice, she made her second request in a friendly tone.
Her gracious message was a nice reminder of a couple of points related to being conscious of your voice tone:
1) If you’re frustrated or stressed, be especially conscious of your voice tone. Don’t let your emotional state leak out.2) Don’t assume the customer dropped the ball or made a mistake; and don’t communicate this with a scolding voice tone. In this case, although I HAD forgotten to get back to her, it was just as possible I had never gotten the first message. I have had scolding messages from customer service people where I had never gotten the first message or hadn’t made the mistake they assumed I had. Think of times where another person assumed you did something wrong and communicated that – whether directly or through voice tone. What emotional state does that trigger in you?
So… in closing… how about noticing for the next week voice tones – both yours and others – and pay close attention to the message they convey. When you’re feeling frustrated or stressed, pay especially close attention to your voice tone.
Make sure YOU are in charge of your voice tone, not your current mood or emotional state. By doing that, you can increase your ability to leave the listener with a positive feeling (and yourself for that matter)."
I am going to try to be aware of my tone and others. The scripture that comes to mind is the fruits of the spirit. Speak with kindness and gentleness in your heart and in your speech.
"You may very well be hear your own negative voice thousands of times every day too. For each person the nature of the voice is different: for some it's believing they "can't" (e.g., go out in business on their own), for some it's worry, for others it's guilt, for the rest it's self blame, etc. When I ask people about the tone of this voice, they say that it is critical, sarcastic, angry, frustrated, resigned, or anxious. In short, for many people, maybe even you, this is the soundtrack you are listening to at least a (good) portion of your day. The nature and tonality of this voice in large part determines the quality of your life. Your self talk is the basis for the relationship you make with yourself, the longest relationship you'll have. It forms the basis for the way you talk to your clients, your partner, and your children. It provides the words with which you coach yourself through the ups and downs of your everyday business stresses, and causes responses of poise or reactivity. It determines your choices to follow opportunities - or not. Your internal voice is broadcast by the way you carry yourself in your physical presence."
I also came across an article written for Customer Support by David Lee which was interesting.
"June 29, 2006
What Emotions and Perceptions Does YOUR Voice Tone Elicit?
The truism “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it…” is only partially true – what you say does matter. However, research on the human brain backs up a paraphrased version: HOW you say something CAN have a greater impact than just the words. Therefore, great communicators and customer service professionals pay close attention to how they say things.
Now, the brain research to emphasize why this is mission critical. Don’t worry, this will be a Reader’s Digest Condensed Version…
The same regions of the brain that process vocal intonations also play a major role in deciphering and creating emotions. People with brain damage to these regions are unable to identify the message communicated by vocal inflections. To them “Nice job!” spoken with sincerity means the same as “Nice job” spoken with sarcasm. They also speak in a monotonic, emotionless manner.
Because the same regions of the brain that process voice tone also process and create emotions, your voice tone is a direct link to the “emotion mixing board” in another person’s brain. Because of this, your voice tone has a huge impact on other people’s emotional state – for better or for worse.
That’s why it’s so important to discharge negative emotions prior to having a difficult conversation. If you don’t, you are likely to communicate your frustration, anger, or resentment through your voice tone. This in turn will trigger the emotion-processing regions of the listener’s brain, producing similar emotions in them.
OK… enough of the neuroscience. I bring this up because I want to make it clear how powerful and non-negotiable this phenomenon is. It’s hard-wired into our brains.
I also bring it up because I’m continually struck by how often I hear counterproductive voice tones used in the customer service field – especially on the phone. At the risk of stating the obvious, since telephone customer service is an auditory interaction, it’s even more important in this medium to get voice tone right. Since there is no visual information -- facial expressions or body language -- for the caller to use or react to, they base their whole impression on auditory information. Therefore what you say AND how you say takes on exaggerated importance.
With this in mind, are you conscious of what your voice is saying, especially when you are feeling stressed, tired, or frustrated? Even if you’re not, the other person listening is.
Let me give you two examples. One bad; one good.
Case One: I was very impressed with the place I bought my car. The person I dealt with (a co-owner) was the epitome of honest, helpful customer service. But, when it came time to have my car serviced, my experience was far different. His partner, who is in charge of the service end of the business, always sounded rushed, frustrated, and slightly annoyed that he had to be talking on the phone. From the moment he answered the phone, his voice tone communicated “I’ve got too much to do. You’re bothering me.” After a few experiences of this, I found myself reluctant to either call for an appointment or ask a simple question. So, I took my business elsewhere.
Case Two: This is a great example of someone from the “inside” of a company demonstrating a gracious, customer-friendly attitude. It is notable both because its an example of what to do and because it’s an exception to the rule. Except for companies with a strong service culture where all employees are onboard, I’ve often found that internal people who don’t typically work with the public often leave much to be desired in the interpersonal realm. In this situation, I got a message from a new client’s finance person requesting I fax over a form. This was her second call; she had originally called while I was away on a business trip, and I had forgotten to get back to her. Instead of adopting a scolding, stern first-grade-teacher-reprimanding-the-student tone of voice, she made her second request in a friendly tone.
Her gracious message was a nice reminder of a couple of points related to being conscious of your voice tone:
1) If you’re frustrated or stressed, be especially conscious of your voice tone. Don’t let your emotional state leak out.2) Don’t assume the customer dropped the ball or made a mistake; and don’t communicate this with a scolding voice tone. In this case, although I HAD forgotten to get back to her, it was just as possible I had never gotten the first message. I have had scolding messages from customer service people where I had never gotten the first message or hadn’t made the mistake they assumed I had. Think of times where another person assumed you did something wrong and communicated that – whether directly or through voice tone. What emotional state does that trigger in you?
So… in closing… how about noticing for the next week voice tones – both yours and others – and pay close attention to the message they convey. When you’re feeling frustrated or stressed, pay especially close attention to your voice tone.
Make sure YOU are in charge of your voice tone, not your current mood or emotional state. By doing that, you can increase your ability to leave the listener with a positive feeling (and yourself for that matter)."
I am going to try to be aware of my tone and others. The scripture that comes to mind is the fruits of the spirit. Speak with kindness and gentleness in your heart and in your speech.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Back home and trying to get into my daily routine. Received a very uplifting comment the other day. It was about the joy of the LORD. This made me feel as if somewhere in cyberspace my words are not being wasted. They are for the most part God's Words not mine. He says His Words do not return void, so I guess they don't.
Mothers, mothers, mothers everywhere. What do you do with your grown children? You want a wonderful relationship but you feel as if you're missing the mark. How do you get it back on track? Prayer? That is usually the first step for all problems I've found out. HELP ME LORD!
Mothers, mothers, mothers everywhere. What do you do with your grown children? You want a wonderful relationship but you feel as if you're missing the mark. How do you get it back on track? Prayer? That is usually the first step for all problems I've found out. HELP ME LORD!
Monday, August 28, 2006
WOW! What a journey to Jerusalem and beyond...........
Just returned from spending two weeks in Israel. The Bible has truly come alive in a way that I didn't expect. Walking in the steps of Jesus, seeing the Judean wilderness, the Mt. of Olives, the High Priest dungeon where Jesus was kept over night before His crucifixion, the Dead Sea, Meesada, Elat, to name a few places we visited was just wonderful. I felt God's presence here there and everywhere. Israel is truly God's land. The earth is His and everything in it, but Jerusalem is His very special city. So many people want Jerusalem as their own, but it doesn't belong to anyone but GOD. If we would all just do it GOD'S way I really feel we could attain peace.
I met so many different people along the way. I didn't keep a journal, maybe I should have but I pray that God will illuminate my mind and cause me to remember what He wants me to share.
Anyone who is serious about studying God's Word would be blessed to make a trip to Israel. Rami our tour guide was exceptional, besides being a believer he had his masters in Biblical Archeology. He made the land and the Word come alive. Always talking about his beautiful new wife, he was so in love, I felt his joy.
Just returned from spending two weeks in Israel. The Bible has truly come alive in a way that I didn't expect. Walking in the steps of Jesus, seeing the Judean wilderness, the Mt. of Olives, the High Priest dungeon where Jesus was kept over night before His crucifixion, the Dead Sea, Meesada, Elat, to name a few places we visited was just wonderful. I felt God's presence here there and everywhere. Israel is truly God's land. The earth is His and everything in it, but Jerusalem is His very special city. So many people want Jerusalem as their own, but it doesn't belong to anyone but GOD. If we would all just do it GOD'S way I really feel we could attain peace.
I met so many different people along the way. I didn't keep a journal, maybe I should have but I pray that God will illuminate my mind and cause me to remember what He wants me to share.
Anyone who is serious about studying God's Word would be blessed to make a trip to Israel. Rami our tour guide was exceptional, besides being a believer he had his masters in Biblical Archeology. He made the land and the Word come alive. Always talking about his beautiful new wife, he was so in love, I felt his joy.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Today is the day. We are off. Please keep us all uplifted in your prayers. If you care to join us in prayer, pray Psalm 91. Let us see the great and mighty things that the LORD can do when we are available.
Psalm 91
1 Those who live in the shelter of the Most High,
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 This I declare of the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
He is my God, and I am trusting him.
3 For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from the fatal plague.
4 He will shield you with his wings. He will shelter you with his feathers. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
5 Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor fear the dangers of the day,
6 nor dread the plague that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
7 Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you.
8 But you will see it with your eyes; you will see how the wicked are punished.
9 If you make the LORD your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter,
10 no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your dwelling.
11 For he orders his angels to protect you wherever you go.
12 They will hold you with their hands to keep you from striking your foot on a stone.
13 You will trample down lions and poisonous snakes; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!
14 The LORD says, "I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name.
15 When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue them and honor them.
16 I will satisfy them with a long life and give them my salvation."
Psalm 91
1 Those who live in the shelter of the Most High,
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 This I declare of the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
He is my God, and I am trusting him.
3 For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from the fatal plague.
4 He will shield you with his wings. He will shelter you with his feathers. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
5 Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor fear the dangers of the day,
6 nor dread the plague that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
7 Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you.
8 But you will see it with your eyes; you will see how the wicked are punished.
9 If you make the LORD your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter,
10 no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your dwelling.
11 For he orders his angels to protect you wherever you go.
12 They will hold you with their hands to keep you from striking your foot on a stone.
13 You will trample down lions and poisonous snakes; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!
14 The LORD says, "I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name.
15 When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue them and honor them.
16 I will satisfy them with a long life and give them my salvation."
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
The journey begins, it feels like a time of spiritual transition as we approach Friday departure. As I go on a mission trip it is a time when my spirit changes a bit. I mean that I somehow detach from the things that concern me on a day to day basis and my spirit looks ahead to the mission at hand. May God use me for peace, love, and charity. May I bring good cheer and a happy disposition. May God be glorified and pleased. May God grant James peace as I depart.
God is my ever present comfort in times of trouble. Pray for my shoulder, I broke it. I won't give too many details only to say I fainted in the night and I'm OK now but I clipped my shoulder on the bathroom vanity corner and broke it. This is my first broken bone in my life. It's very inconvenient to brake your bones, especially when you are going away. But I have been comforted in the knowledge that God uses us even when we are weak. It's not my ability just my availability. GOD IS A GOD OF COMFORT. Send me all the scriptures that concern God's comfort.
God is my ever present comfort in times of trouble. Pray for my shoulder, I broke it. I won't give too many details only to say I fainted in the night and I'm OK now but I clipped my shoulder on the bathroom vanity corner and broke it. This is my first broken bone in my life. It's very inconvenient to brake your bones, especially when you are going away. But I have been comforted in the knowledge that God uses us even when we are weak. It's not my ability just my availability. GOD IS A GOD OF COMFORT. Send me all the scriptures that concern God's comfort.
The journey begins, it feels like a time of spiritual transition as we approach Friday departure. As I go on a mission trip it is a time when my spirit changes a bit. I mean that I somehow detach from the things that concern me on a day to day basis and my spirit looks ahead to the mission at hand. May God use me for peace, love, and charity. May I bring good cheer and a happy disposition. May God be glorified and pleased. May God grant James peace as I depart.
God is my ever present comfort in times of trouble. Pray for my shoulder, I broke it. I won't give too many details only to say I fainted in the night and I'm OK now but I clipped my shoulder on the bathroom vanity corner and broke it. This is my first broken bone in my life. It's very inconvenient to brake your bones, especially when you are going away. But I have been comforted in the knowledge that God uses us even when we are weak. It's not my ability just my availability.
God is my ever present comfort in times of trouble. Pray for my shoulder, I broke it. I won't give too many details only to say I fainted in the night and I'm OK now but I clipped my shoulder on the bathroom vanity corner and broke it. This is my first broken bone in my life. It's very inconvenient to brake your bones, especially when you are going away. But I have been comforted in the knowledge that God uses us even when we are weak. It's not my ability just my availability.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Today I was reading about God is my joy. One of the readings were from Neh. 8:9-12
I have been trying to encourage others as well as myself to be joyful even in the midst of trails,
adversity, or problems. Having found that when I keep my eye off the problem and onto God and His abilities, capabilities, and promises, there is no situation that does not improve. One of the by products is that I have peace and trust no matter what the problem is. This week I heard how satan tries to steal our joy, maybe because he really wants to steal our strength. If we are powerless, we can not do anything. If we have joy and strength we are much better prepared for whatever God gives us.
The joy of the LORD is my strength, The JOY OF THE LORD!
Nehemiah 8:9-12
9Then Nehemiah the governor, Ezra the priest and scribe, and the Levites who were interpreting for the people said to them, "Don't weep on such a day as this! For today is a sacred day before the LORD your God." All the people had been weeping as they listened to the words of the law.
10And Nehemiah[b] continued, "Go and celebrate with a feast of choice foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don't be dejected and sad, for the joy of the LORD is your strength!"
11And the Levites, too, quieted the people, telling them, "Hush! Don't weep! For this is a sacred day." 12So the people went away to eat and drink at a festive meal, to share gifts of food, and to celebrate with great joy because they had heard God's words and understood them.
I have been trying to encourage others as well as myself to be joyful even in the midst of trails,
adversity, or problems. Having found that when I keep my eye off the problem and onto God and His abilities, capabilities, and promises, there is no situation that does not improve. One of the by products is that I have peace and trust no matter what the problem is. This week I heard how satan tries to steal our joy, maybe because he really wants to steal our strength. If we are powerless, we can not do anything. If we have joy and strength we are much better prepared for whatever God gives us.
The joy of the LORD is my strength, The JOY OF THE LORD!
Nehemiah 8:9-12
9Then Nehemiah the governor, Ezra the priest and scribe, and the Levites who were interpreting for the people said to them, "Don't weep on such a day as this! For today is a sacred day before the LORD your God." All the people had been weeping as they listened to the words of the law.
10And Nehemiah[b] continued, "Go and celebrate with a feast of choice foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don't be dejected and sad, for the joy of the LORD is your strength!"
11And the Levites, too, quieted the people, telling them, "Hush! Don't weep! For this is a sacred day." 12So the people went away to eat and drink at a festive meal, to share gifts of food, and to celebrate with great joy because they had heard God's words and understood them.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Last night I fainted in bathroom when I woke up I had smashed my shoulder on the tile floor. I didn't know if I broke it or just badly bruised it. It is amazing how many things you do in a day that requires the use of your shoulder. Typing is one of them, but you know, if you rest your palms on the table the pressure is off your shoulder joint.
A beautiful gift arrived in the mail yesterday that made me feel much better. Catharine sent me a silver braclet with scripture on it. THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH! It's lovely, I'm going to wear it when I go to Israel. Speaking of which I just got a message on my telephone that we might not be going. They asked us to pray and fast on Saturday, we're off next Friday night. I'll ask you to join me in prayer for we really seek God's will in this trip.
My shoulder feels a bit better today. I think I bruised it badly rather than a break. Thank you GOD!
A beautiful gift arrived in the mail yesterday that made me feel much better. Catharine sent me a silver braclet with scripture on it. THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH! It's lovely, I'm going to wear it when I go to Israel. Speaking of which I just got a message on my telephone that we might not be going. They asked us to pray and fast on Saturday, we're off next Friday night. I'll ask you to join me in prayer for we really seek God's will in this trip.
My shoulder feels a bit better today. I think I bruised it badly rather than a break. Thank you GOD!
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Over 3,500 seniors in Charlotte, NC are hungry. What can we do about it? We give here there and everywhere but what about those in our own backyard. Is there a moral question at hand? Do we first take care of our own before taking care of others? Or can we do it hand in hand, side by side? Now that I am aware of the problem, I have to find a solution. Went to Friendship Trays www.friendshiptrays.org on Distribution Street and was told by Lucy their director who serves as the "Meals on Wheels" facility here in Charlotte that there are over 3,500 senior citizens who are waiting for delievered meals. There is also a need for special diet meals. What are we going to do?
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